After

Before.

Before was when my walls were down and my heart, a free creature. 

When I could run to you and you'd pick me up and toss me deep into the big blue sky. 

Back then I could fly.

I grew courage and courage grew me wings.

Freedom.

I trusted your grip and your strength and through your fingertips I felt all of you embrace all of me. 

And so I let you send me soaring. With no helmet or body armor or even a damn parachute. 

Then the storm came.

At first, just a few raindrops. And you said it was nothing. And I believed you. 

I flew into the clouds and saw massive black monsters coming straight at me. 

"It's nothing," I told myself.  

But did you look when I pointed out the deep grey's that were coming towards us fueled by electricity? Did you even hear what I was saying? Did you not notice the concern on my face and in my voice?

A strong wind gripped my bones and dragged my body across the sky. I lost control. Unable to slow my fall. 

My wings then tore and started to shrivel. The rain, cold, adding weight to my frame.

I look for you. Thinking you'd be looking for me. Thinking you'd seen the storm. Thinking you'd know there was trouble. 

My eyes dart across the earth. 

Finally as I am about to hit the ground I see you. Not frantically searching for me. Instead, you sit under a tree, perfectly content, enjoying the spectacle of the rain dripping from the sky.

I wake up.

In the After. 

Alone.

The storm has passed.

My wings are gone. Courage has vanished. 

I see you. 

I run towards you. You stand there smiling. The storm now in my eyes, dripping salty rain.

Your embrace, I need your embrace. I get to you and you lift me up. I shout for you to stop. But you don't. You toss me into the sky which no longer let's  me roam free. I immediately fall. 

"What's wrong?" You ask. 

I lay there, in pain and in shock. "How could you not know? How could you not see that the storm has taken my wings?"

I needed you to catch me. But you would rather not get your clothes wet. You'd rather sit comfortably while I lost my freedom. 

"It's nothing" you say. "Let's just walk."

But I refuse. And still you disregard my pain as if it is meaningless. 

Now my heart, a caged creature, cannot fly. It refuses to grow courage because courage once grew me wings. And my wings, recklessness. And recklessness, pain. And pain, rendered meaningless. 

And in the After my walls tripled in size, dwarfing the Before's.

Now you cannot hurt me.

For I've left myself in the Before.  

Erased by the stones of the After.