Breathing Fire

He takes my hand in his and leads me into the forrest. 

And I don't think much of it. I don't believe in places with so much magic anymore. 

I've not let anyone roam this land. There are none who seek treasure in such a desolate place with such an unpleasant keeper. 

This forrest was once so full of life and hope. Nothing can grow here now. It has been through too many fires and left with far too many black scars. 

I stop suddenly, "This is pointless" I say to him as we stand on mud and dead branches.

He looks back at me. My hair wild. My body weak. Fear trying to disguise itself as lack of emotion. 

He turns around and steps closer and takes my other hand in his. His eyes so clear. His heart so untainted. 

"Come with me, I will show you there is life here." He turns around and gently pulls me deeper into the forrest. The mud gets thinner and thinner until we are walking through shallow water. 

"There is water here?" I speak the words quietly, confused. Still walking he looks back at me, smiling.

I look around and find patches of green growing larger and larger. We reach the shoreline. It's a river. A massive river. It is lined with trees, all healthy and strong. 

A warm feeling hits my chest. I cannot speak. It triggers memories of tragedy and ruin; I've learned to associate these feelings with pain. Immense pain. 

Pain is what killed this forest. Pain ripped me open and left me bloody and screeched and fire came up from my mouth.  Pain created a dragon in me.

What once was a flame of love became a fire of pain. 

"I did this to myself" I tell him. 

"But, I don't understand why there is still life here." I said. I'd raged in an attempt to rid myself of so much pain.

He faces me. His hand still firmly grasping mine; reminding me that he is here, that I am not alone. 

"Perhaps you did kill every living creature above ground, but you forgot about the life beginning to form beneath the ground. Those seeds, they are strong, they grew healthy roots and bark and branches and leaves. The burn you caused provided nourishment to this ground. You cannot kill this forrest, it was born with you and will survive as you have.," he says. 

I look around at all the living things surrounding me. Not just plants, but birds too. And butterflies. And bee's. 

"How did all of this happen without me knowing?" I ask myself. 

"Well, you haven't looked. You view this forrest from the outside and only see the scars of the past. In your mind you've left no room to grow anything new." He answers my question. 

"I guess that was the point, I wanted to kill the pain and in order to do that I had to feel nothing at all. If nothing could grow here, then there'd be no pain; for there'd be no love." I ramble. 

"Come with me." He says as he leads me upstream. As if he knew where he was taking me. We turn along the river bend and suddenly the ground is covered in flowers. All different kinds. Each grouped together, too organized to have been wild. 

I look at him, he's smiling as usual. His hand still holding on to mine. He's pointing out towards the field and wide-eyed.

"How did you know this was here?" I ask him, almost accusingly. 

He looks at the ground. Then back at me. He pulls me in close, almost a hug, his forehead rests on mine. And I feel it all; the warmth, the refuge. And they trigger pain. 

And pain arrives and pushes its way through and sits on those feelings. Masking them. 

I fear the pain will light my lungs. That it'd come to destroy it all, again. 

"Ok, I have been coming here for a while to plant these flowers for you. I first plowed the ground and nourished it, then the seeds, then the waterings. I had a feeling that there was still life in this place- somewhere. You act so cold, but when we are alone I see you bloom. How could a heart truly be so cold when at other times it's the warmest place I know? But you can grow here- you see." He points towards the field. 

It's all so beautiful. An Eden inside me. 

He doesn't know how quickly the pain has come to steal the joy here. I try to fight it but I can feel my skin burn hotter and hotter. 

I look up at him. I see him. I ask myself if he is worth burning for.

I decide that if I will burn regardless, then I might as well burn for him later than burn everything now. In the end, it may all be gone anyway. He can't hurt me. He cannot cause more pain than that which I've already felt; a fire that burned my flesh, so great it destroyed every thing around me. 

I came to this realization and the fire ceased burning my skin. Pain stood up and crawled out and as it left it looked back at me with eyes that said, "I'll be back for you, nothing lasts forever." 

And I was finally free to bloom in this sacred place. I didn't care if it only lasted a day. 

I smile at him, then pull him behind me as I run through the field. He laughs. 

I trip and fall and we lay there among the flowers. 

"Welcome back." He says. 

I smile. The ground carries soft grass beneath me. The sun landing gently on my skin. 

I've been reborn.