Gravity

She’s a creature of the sun. A devout worshiper of the solar wind that falls on her skin. She would burn for the ones she loved; for the ones she wanted to love.

And if you stood close enough you could feel the warmth. She radiated dopamine and any who were allowed to touch her felt seen and heard and wanted.

Laughter would fill the silence in the forrest’s she’d wake up in. Sun on skin, clean air in lungs, surrounded by life in its many forms. Her heart was full, her joy inevitable.

Then there was the climb. She’d strap on her boots, pack her bag, and head towards the mountain top. She’d push through the pain and the burning in her lungs and only stopped for a minute or two to catch her breath. The climb was usually uncomfortable, only a means to the top. It was the price she paid.

And then there was reaching the top. She’d sit on the edge; it made her feel like she was flying. She could see in all directions. The wind would tumble into her. It’d toss her hair crazy, it’d pierce through the fabric that clothed her frame. As she sat there, her lungs slowly burning less and less, her exhausted body could finally rest. That was her favorite feeling. Because she also felt she was the mountain she sat on. They were one. She was tall and grounded and strong. The wind hit her body as it did the mountains’. Again, joy uncontrollably freed itself from the darkness she contained. This time in the form of tears- because the darkness was stronger than her on most days, and it kept joy a prisoner; drowned in the deep sadness that infected her mind and heart. And these were some of the only times she was completely overcome with true rapture.

So, this is where she is at home within her own body. This is the place self-love is cultivated. And when she has to leave, those things refuse to go with her. The memory of them keeps her feeling light for another day. But the darkness is so black on her bones. It collects at her chest and forms a heavy rock of all the things its gravity has consumed.

Joy becomes a prisoner once again; the darkness continues to circulate in her veins like toxic heavy metals the body cannot rid itself from. And only the wilderness of the earth, in all its glory, can free her.